fear and (self-)loathing

I’ve had a project deadline coming up for awhile — I have to share the story of my life with my church group today. I’m the last one to go, so I feel a little pressure to be very “on.” It’s a short piece, only about 5,000 words, but that’s going to be pretty long when you’re “sharing” with people who are going to question everything you write.

It’s interesting, though — I love to write, but after doing this project, I don’t think I could ever write a memoir. It would be too difficult to dig into my life. I am not a huge J.D. Salinger fan, but in some ways I think he had the right idea — our lives shouldn’t necessarily be on such public display. I’m certainly uncomfortable with the idea. I’m generally uncomfortable with people being close to me at all, and push them away when they get to close. So sharing today will certainly be stretching it.

In other news, whatever I did on Thursday night activated a gout attack in my left knee. If you don’t know what gout is, be glad. For those of you who know what it is, I appreciate the sympathy. I went from walking, to hobbling with a cane to crutches in a 24-hour period. A trip to the doc (on a Saturday, no less) has helped immensely. Think I’m going to keep using the cane for a day or two, though.

It’s back to work on the manuscript tomorrow morning. Gotta crack that whip.


One thought on “fear and (self-)loathing

  1. Now all you need is a monocle and the whole cane thing would make you look somewhat distinguished! I mean, don’t all bald guys walk around with a cane and monocle???
    Seriously though, congrats on getting the book to near completion. I’m sure you’ll make the Ledger’s Bestseller list!!!

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